A child is like a potters’ clay which is created and molded by the creators being the parents. Parents love their children to an unimaginable extent. They take care of their needs, education, health, future and love them. This often leads to blurring the boundaries of care and expectation and instead of motivating the kids also de-motivate them. Let’s see some of the most common mistakes of the parents.
1. Rewards and Awards method
Many a times we tell our children that if they do their homework quickly, they will be rewarded with extra screen time. If they clean their room, put away their clothes they will get ice cream or they can stay up late. In the initial days it seems to work then the demands grow. The award and reward system and as we are already stressed in our lives we give in and slowly and steadily we take them towards a path where they are lacking in self-motivation or demotivate them to be innovative and be responsible for themselves. Though this system works really great in initial days then the steam and excitement fades followed by increased demands and justifications.
In hindsight the parents should be more cautious while using this method and be firm on their ground.
2. Performance Pressure
In today’s world we all wish our child to be genius like Einstein. The academic pressure from institutions as well as from the performance pressure from parents is taking its toll on the kids. The academics is to provide learning and enhancing knowledge of the children rather instead of enjoying the learning process the kids are falling prey to rat race of scoring marks. A fine balance needs to be struck between performance in exams and institution and learning as marks are not symbolic of your child intelligence or genius, they could be great in sports and average in maths. We just have to have more acceptance.
3. Overburdened Expectations
Each parent has expectation from their children. It is fine line of balance for parents to walk on where the children are not overburdened with their expectations. As parents our expectation with our child are very high. The marks are not as good or the performance in sports is not as expected. We do usually end up pushing our limits with the children which creates a negative pressure on the children and in turn spoil the relation between parent and children.
4. Negative Influence
We choose our friends and they help shape our kid’s personalities. Since they are such a huge part of our children’s life, as parents it’s important to keep in notice what kind of company our children are keeping. Growing up our children are shaping their lives and future and the kind of company they are keeping is very important in kind of choices of they make and one wrong decision or company will ruin it all. It is important to strike the right balance as where the good friends will make your children rise the bad or negative influence of the company, they keep will run them into the ground and ruin their future.
5. Power Struggles
As our children get older, they get more independent with time. Our parenting methods also need to evolve with time as a teenager cannot be treated like a three-year-old. A three-year-old might listen to you while the teenager will surely refuse you when you ask them to clean their room. As the children get older, they set boundaries with their parents. One can’t be too lenient with them or too friendly that the children take you for granted. However, a firm and friendly approach is better. If you treat children like they are adults and you understand them then you can avoid power struggles or else the moment parents try and tell them that as parents you know better and the child should listen to you, you are inviting a power struggle from them. You put the limit and the children will push their boundaries just to defy the parent may be. However, on the other hand the as a parent we try to deal with this in a friendly way we not only avoid the power struggle, we also maintain and fester a good relation with our children.
6. Understanding the root cause of the problem
What do you do when your child says he does not want to go to school as he has stomach ache? You check for obvious signs and in absence of any of them you just send them to school anyway. This is just an example where we sometimes don’t understand what’s going on with our children., we should not just always treat them as children and dismiss their concerns as nothing. Even if their behavior is erratic or the marks out of place or reluctance to do something, it is important to understand why it is happening the way it is. If it was nothing it brings you one step closer to the child and if not then you found out the problem. So, either way it is a win win for you.
7. Support System
The parents are the ground on which the children walk. The parents are children’s support system which help them through good and bad times. Children find solace in knowing that they can find support from their parents no matter how good the situation is. It keeps them on the ground through the bad times that as parents we shall be with them even during the rough times as we have been even when they stood first in the class or won that basketball game. The children should have confidence that they will be loved by their parents alike whether they did the best or the worst, as it’s not all the same every time.
You should be a parent and a friend more to your child. You should always remember; the children are like little adults and in the end, they are like to be treated equally. Just reverse the places and then evaluate what would you like it to be. If you are friends with your children then you are laying a strong foundation.